Add some spice to your life and your Margarita with fresh Jalapeño slices. I’ve used bottled Jalapeño slices and juice to perk up Margaritas but I found the fresh slices had more flavor with less burn. There are lots of variants on the Internet including those with chili pepper and pepper jelly. Stick with 100% agave tequila, fresh lime juice, a little orange liqueur and we’re good to go.
– Jet “Mouth’s On Fire” Cannon
Writing this on Mother’s Day. I can’t even begin to measure my mom’s loving, multi-faceted, nuanced mothering – straight up unconditional love, support, encouragement, doses of reality, big laughs, tense card games, Jeopardy!, on and on, rest in peace Mom! But alas, mama/daddy the bow…. child the arrow. Forth I went, as it should be! And I learned a few tricks M&D could not touch, at all.
Take steak. Listen, I liked – loved – steak night!! Because it was so rare (LOL). Chuck steak was…steaky. Chucky. They didn’t give away those steak knives at the gas station for nuthin!!! But there’s something beef-elemental about steak that only steak can deliver, almost any steak.
We’re all aware of bourbon-soaked applewood, designer charcoals and the like. I guess it’s fine, go for it. It’s probably better. But not everybody lives in the country or the damn suburbs with endless green-space to pollute with char-smoke. There are those in the city or a van. For you, I offer on-stove, oven-roasted Schteak, in homage to a good, good friend who actually butchered meat FOR A LIVING at one point and anyway, informs my inner cow.
Moms won’t like my method – hardly anyone will – until they belly up for din-din. Look: (dontcha love when somebody says “look” on NPR or Meet the Press…you know they about to lay it on you!!!), this won’t be pretty, I won’t lie. But you wanna eat good, right? At least once in a while.
Butcher. Not Safeway. Don’t have a butcher? Move to a modern city/area that does…or go online and say USDA Prime and enter security code ‘yes’. Get some U S D A Prime bone-in ribeye beefsteak. Or a little harder, probably a little better but trickier, Prime Porterhouse. Yes, it costs $856. Do it. Need to justify? Skip dead animals or Comcast for the summer-winter, or quit golf (that hook? It is yours). Buy some nourishing meat with what you save! Get the good stuff. I know that’s the advice every cook person gives. Because it’s true.
And thick. Thicckkk. Two imperial inches minimum. Not easy to find, but stacking 2 one-inchers from CheapCo isn’t sanitary. Thick can be had. Now turn stove to Highest. Iron pan is a must — Lodge ok, Griswold better (vintage available); enameled is ok, Le Cruset is just La Ca$het, Go Staub!!
Meat at room temp (oops, shoulda mentioned that earlier). It’s peppered and properly seasoned with salt. That is all it is. Once the pan is HOT, put on the steaks. Gonna smoke big time. Hugely. The fan, the windows, oh the smoke! Plumes!! Smoke detector goes off!! Use a towel to fan the smoke away from the detector(s), which you can’t disconnect any more than drive without seatbelts. A couple minutes later, flip. More smoakkk!! Smoke baby!! Beep beep beep…beep beep beep. Family/neighbors are either out (preferred), or not liking you right now. A clouded minute or two on the B side, then move the pan (careful – handle HOT) quick into the 5000+++ deg oven (preheated, again sorry). Let it groove in there awhile, maybe your asparagus or little potatoes or tomatoes are already inside, roasting. Yes! I dunno how long inside to get rare/mid-rare, never timed it. Not 5 minutes (raw) but not 22 (getting brown). Before too long, take it out. Rub with a garlic clove and spritz of lemon. Let it ‘rest’ a little.
Meanwhile, drinks, trimmings. The zesty grilled crust gives way to the juicy, beefy redness inside. Almost all food groups at once…feel your blood get nourished. I’ll say it – almost melts in the mouth, but you’re gonna wanna chew, savor the full range of Schteak flavors. Take that family!!
Real good the next day too, cold. Also works for burgers – 80/20 ground chuck. Smoke baby smoke!
Buzzed Boomer missed out recommending tequila on Cinco De Mayo. But who really needs help making or ordering a Margarita? So for Mothers Day, try cobbling up a Mimosa Margarita. Yum. Sparkling wine and tequila. Can’t miss. Make sure you have the ingredients today so you’re ready for tomorrow.
Here’s a recipe from simplejoy.com that makes enough for everybody.
Ingredients
Mix the liquids in a pitcher with ice and garnish the pitcher and glasses with slices of limes and oranges. Rim the glasses with salt if desired.
Happy Mothers Day!
– Jet Cannon
You know popcorn? You may not know popcorn. It shouldn’t cost $58.50 and leave you sick after watching The Matix XII at the Come On In, What Are The Odds Of Getting Ill-plex. It‘s not the ‘as much fun’ (actually far more fun) ‘to make than it is to eat’ stuff. Although the J. Pop experience was always oddly…hot, I won’t lie. And it ain’t Orville Fudruckers Buttery Microwave in a 2 minute ‘bing!!’ all done folded bag. The waxy weirdness of the insides, burnt clumps here and there, dry tasteless stuff elsewhere.
Grow up! People been trying to mess up popcorn since Charles Cretors invented the popcorn maker out of his old Chicago candy store in like 1890. Get in touch with this Nature’s wonder y’all!l Ima tell you how.
Good p’corn needs the stove. Period. Why did our moms get a gadget or machine for everything? Keeping away from dirty nature, I guess. Oh well – Greatest Generation, they did win WWII etc. We can forgive ‘em for wanting to get out the kitchen and live! But. Corn goes on the stove.
Pot. Oil (Google tell you which kind) and you can throw in some bacon fat/lardo or butter because umami. Fair measure of salt. I get it – salt bad. But salt ‘properly seasons’ food. Food’s swizzle stick. To counteract the bad, go for a nice long walk every day. Ahem.
Gring in some pepper. (Or buy a pepper grinder and some peppercorns and then grind in. C’mon!! Thro’ out that powered pepper from 2011. How old are you??!?) Now, there is a secret ingredient. It is lemon juice. Not ReaLemon, that of the plastic lemon-looking thing with the green screw top. Actual lemon juice, a good bit, squeeze into the oil/lardo/salt/pepper mix. Set it all on the stove on lowwwwwww. Low. Then put in the corn.
Now go watch a Next Gen or something on Netflix…45 min. By that time — Data having let go of the dream of becoming fully human, somehow becoming more human in the process — the kernels (not colonels) are dark brown and nutty and ready, come what may. Ready to get rocked. Now you gotta put down your phone thingy and get up.
What is needed is a blast of the highest heat known to your stove, you at the controls. There’s a lid on the pot and there’s a towel over the lid and you’re shaking that pot like it’s never got shook, its shoes are falling off, it’s missing appointments, it’s making promises it’ll never keep, it is giving and giving, corn popping like absolute crazy, shake shake shake shake and then…
It’s over. Last chord in Day In The Life… bonggggnngggg….
That’s it! You will like the result.
Old Man Wrong
It’s wide open! From water to wine, beer to booze, cola to cannabis. Or make a shake and celebrate.
The Buzzed Boomer Research Department has discovered that May 5th celebrates not Mexican independence but something to do with Napoleon. I supposed that’s because Napoleon Dynamite’s best friend was Pedro from Mexico. Therefore, have a Modelo or a Corona or, if you prefer a cocktail, try a Tina Tai which is a Mai Tai that honors Tina the llama; courtesy of goodfoodstories.com.
Ingredients
Instructions
When in Southport, North Carolina at the mouth of the Cape Fear river, try a Cape Fear Sunset. Tito’s, Midori, Peach Schnapps, pineapple juice, OJ, and Grenadine. It’s a little sweet so you might want to alert/tip the bartender to focus on the Tito’s.
I’m betting on Mint Juleps. Kentucky Bourbon, brown sugar, water, shaved ices and …… fresh mint.
I’m always seeking a mellow Buzz without giving up the fun and escape from reality that a major Buzz provides. I tried my first lower alcohol-by-volume Old Fashioned by using zero proof “whiskey” and regular sweet vermouth plus a half jigger of Old Fashioned flavoring. Of course the vermouth is 16 proof so the cocktail does have alcohol. Just less. And it worked. There was a distinct whiskey flavor that fooled my taste buds. No, it’s not as good as the real thing but it’s not bad. And rather than have just a very small drink there’s enough for one or two cocktail glasses worth. It allows me to go through all the motions of making and shaking and garnishing and admiring my libation presentation.
Next I tossed in a half-shot of whiskey to get bring my drink a little closer to the real thing. There’s the very mellow Buzz.
I’ve also tried the faux gin and tequila. They’re a handy addition to the cocktail arsenal for good old Baby Boomers who maybe need a little lighter Buzz but still want the bang.
– Jet Cannon
Layla, you’ve got me on my knees
Layla, I’m begging, darling please
Layla, darling won’t you ease my worried mind
I’ll have a Hendrick’s dry Martini. Two olives, please.
– Maserati Mike reporting live from Layla’s in Lake Chelan, Washington
Break out the picnic basket and the cooler! And tomorrow is National Pool Opening Day. Tuck those Covid 19 extra pounds into your swim suit, get on the diving board and show us you still have that half-gainer!
-Jet Cannon
