May 2021

Schteak. American Style

Food and Drink, Good Clean Fun, Recipes / By

Writing this on Mother’s Day. I can’t even begin to measure my mom’s loving, multi-faceted, nuanced mothering – straight up unconditional love, support, encouragement, doses of reality, big laughs, tense card games, Jeopardy!, on and on, rest in peace Mom! But alas, mama/daddy the bow…. child the arrow. Forth I went, as it should be! And I learned a few tricks M&D could not touch, at all. 

Take steak. Listen, I liked – loved – steak night!! Because it was so rare (LOL). Chuck steak was…steaky. Chucky. They didn’t give away those steak knives at the gas station for nuthin!!! But there’s something beef-elemental about steak that only steak can deliver, almost any steak.

We’re all aware of bourbon-soaked applewood, designer charcoals and the like. I guess it’s fine, go for it. It’s probably better. But not everybody lives in the country or the damn suburbs with endless green-space to pollute with char-smoke. There are those in the city or a van. For you, I offer on-stove, oven-roasted Schteak, in homage to a good, good friend who actually butchered meat FOR A LIVING at one point and anyway, informs my inner cow.  

Moms won’t like my method – hardly anyone will – until they belly up for din-din. Look: (dontcha love when somebody says “look” on NPR or Meet the Press…you know they about to lay it on you!!!), this won’t be pretty, I won’t lie. But you wanna eat good, right? At least once in a while.

Butcher. Not Safeway. Don’t have a butcher? Move to a modern city/area that does…or go online and say USDA Prime and enter security code ‘yes’. Get some U S D A Prime bone-in ribeye beefsteak. Or a little harder, probably a little better but trickier, Prime Porterhouse. Yes, it costs $856. Do it. Need to justify? Skip dead animals or Comcast for the summer-winter, or quit golf (that hook? It is yours). Buy some nourishing meat with what you save! Get the good stuff. I know that’s the advice every cook person gives. Because it’s true.

And thick. Thicckkk. Two imperial inches minimum. Not easy to find, but stacking 2 one-inchers from CheapCo isn’t sanitary. Thick can be had. Now turn stove to Highest. Iron pan is a must — Lodge ok, Griswold better (vintage available); enameled is ok, Le Cruset is just La Ca$het, Go Staub!!

Meat at room temp (oops, shoulda mentioned that earlier). It’s peppered and properly seasoned with salt. That is all it is. Once the pan is HOT, put on the steaks. Gonna smoke big time. Hugely. The fan, the windows, oh the smoke! Plumes!! Smoke detector goes off!! Use a towel to fan the smoke away from the detector(s), which you can’t disconnect any more than drive without seatbelts. A couple minutes later, flip. More smoakkk!! Smoke baby!! Beep beep beep…beep beep beep. Family/neighbors are either out (preferred), or not liking you right now. A clouded minute or two on the B side, then move the pan (careful – handle HOT) quick into the 5000+++ deg oven (preheated, again sorry). Let it groove in there awhile, maybe your asparagus or little potatoes or tomatoes are already inside, roasting. Yes! I dunno how long inside to get rare/mid-rare, never timed it. Not 5 minutes (raw) but not 22 (getting brown). Before too long, take it out. Rub with a garlic clove and spritz of lemon. Let it ‘rest’ a little. 

Meanwhile, drinks, trimmings. The zesty grilled crust gives way to the juicy, beefy redness inside. Almost all food groups at once…feel your blood get nourished. I’ll say it – almost melts in the mouth, but you’re gonna wanna chew, savor the full range of Schteak flavors. Take that family!! 

Real good the next day too, cold. Also works for burgers – 80/20 ground chuck. Smoke baby smoke!

  • Old Man Wrong
steak, meat, dining

Mothers Day Beverage Prep

Food and Drink, Recipes / By

Buzzed Boomer missed out recommending tequila on Cinco De Mayo.  But who really needs help making or ordering a Margarita? So for Mothers Day, try cobbling up a Mimosa Margarita.  Yum.  Sparkling wine and tequila.  Can’t miss.  Make sure you have the ingredients today so you’re ready for tomorrow.

Here’s a recipe from simplejoy.com that makes enough for everybody.

Ingredients

  • 1/4 cup triple sec
  • 1 cup tequila
  • 2 TBSPs freshly squeezed lime juice about two limes
  • 1 bottle of champagne chilled
  • 3 cups orange juice
  • 2 limes sliced thin optional
  • 2 oranges sliced thin

Mix the liquids in a pitcher with ice and garnish the pitcher and glasses with slices of limes and oranges.  Rim the glasses with salt if desired.

Happy Mothers Day!

– Jet Cannon

mother, mothers day, mum
man and woman sitting on couch

Shaken Not Zapped

Endorphins, Fitness, Food and Drink, Good Clean Fun, Recipes / By

You know popcorn? You may not know popcorn. It shouldn’t cost $58.50 and leave you sick after watching The Matix XII at the Come On In, What Are The Odds Of Getting Ill-plex. It‘s not the ‘as much fun’ (actually far more fun) ‘to make than it is to eat’ stuff. Although the J. Pop experience was always oddly…hot, I won’t lie. And it ain’t Orville Fudruckers Buttery Microwave in a 2 minute ‘bing!!’ all done folded bag. The waxy weirdness of the insides, burnt clumps here and there, dry tasteless stuff elsewhere. 

Grow up! People been trying to mess up popcorn since Charles Cretors invented the popcorn maker out of his old Chicago candy store in like 1890. Get in touch with this Nature’s wonder y’all!l Ima tell you how. 

Good p’corn needs the stove. Period. Why did our moms get a gadget or machine for everything? Keeping away from dirty nature, I guess. Oh well – Greatest Generation, they did win WWII etc. We can forgive ‘em for wanting to get out the kitchen and live! But. Corn goes on the stove. 

Pot. Oil (Google tell you which kind) and you can throw in some bacon fat/lardo or butter because umami. Fair measure of salt. I get it – salt bad. But salt ‘properly seasons’ food. Food’s swizzle stick. To counteract the bad, go for a nice long walk every day. Ahem. 

Gring in some pepper. (Or buy a pepper grinder and some peppercorns and then grind in. C’mon!! Thro’ out that powered pepper from 2011. How old are you??!?) Now, there is a secret ingredient. It is lemon juice. Not ReaLemon, that of the plastic lemon-looking thing with the green screw top. Actual lemon juice, a good bit, squeeze into the oil/lardo/salt/pepper mix. Set it all on the stove on lowwwwwww. Low. Then put in the corn. 

Now go watch a Next Gen or something on Netflix…45 min. By that time — Data having let go of the dream of becoming fully human, somehow becoming more human in the process — the kernels (not colonels) are dark brown and nutty and ready, come what may.  Ready to get rocked. Now you gotta put down your phone thingy and get up. 

What is needed is a blast of the highest heat known to your stove, you at the controls. There’s a lid on the pot and there’s a towel over the lid and you’re shaking that pot like it’s never got shook, its shoes are falling off, it’s missing appointments, it’s making promises it’ll never keep, it is giving and giving, corn popping like absolute crazy, shake shake shake shake and then…

It’s over. Last chord in Day In The Life… bonggggnngggg…. 

That’s it! You will like the result.

Old Man Wrong

popcorn, movie time, snack

Cinco de Mayo – Mexico Versus Napoleon

Food and Drink, Good Clean Fun, Recipes / By

The Buzzed Boomer Research Department has discovered that May 5th celebrates not Mexican independence but something to do with Napoleon.  I supposed that’s because Napoleon Dynamite’s best friend was Pedro from Mexico.  Therefore, have a Modelo or a Corona or, if you prefer a cocktail, try a Tina Tai which is a Mai Tai that honors Tina the llama; courtesy of goodfoodstories.com.

Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup spiced rum
  • 1/4 cup coconut rum
  • 2 tablespoons (1 fluid ounce) grenadine
  • 3 cups passion fruit juice
  • lime and orange rounds, for garnish

Instructions

  • Fill 4 highball glasses or large Old-Fashioned glasses with ice.
  • Add the spiced and coconut rums, grenadine, and passion fruit juice to a small pitcher and stir to combine.
  • Divide between the prepared glasses.
  • Garnish with lime and orange rounds and serve immediately.

man architecture high travel

Bike Safety

Endorphins, Fitness, Good Clean Fun, Uncategorized / By

Exercise the fun way!  Saddle up!  But safety first!  Let’s see I need my helmet (with blue flasher on the back and rear view mirror), florescent green vest with pocket for phone, padded bike pants for that firm saddle, bike gloves to keep the hands from going numb, Apple Watch to capture biking exercise minutes and miles, mask in case I need to talk with someone, glasses for eye protection, water bottle and Camelback for max hydration, bike shoes, sunblock, seat bag with mini first aid kit, and baseball cap for post-ride helmet-hair.  And….. we’re out of time.  Tomorrow we’ll get an earlier start.

– Jet Cannon 

no cycling, park, sign

Don’t Fear the Sunset

1 Comment / Food and Drink, Good Clean Fun, Recipes / By

When in Southport, North Carolina at the mouth of the Cape Fear river, try a Cape Fear Sunset. Tito’s, Midori, Peach Schnapps, pineapple juice, OJ, and Grenadine. It’s a little sweet so you might want to alert/tip the bartender to focus on the Tito’s.

  • Rockin’ RoVer reporting live from Cape Fear